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Drunkenly firing a gun while paragliding is so fucking metal.

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The only thing better than EZPass is so fucking metal.

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A cute little photo from the good ol’ days is so fucking metal.

A cute little photo from the good ol’ days is so fucking metal.

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“SAN JUAN, Texas — A south Texas couple put an aborted 7-month-old fetus in a gift box under a Christmas tree after they were unable to flush the remains down a toilet, authorities alleged Monday. Ruby Lee Medina, 31, and Javier Gonzalez, 37, of Mission, have been charged with abuse of a corpse and tampering with evidence.”

The most blasphemous Baby Jesus in any Nativity scene ever is so fucking metal.

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The kiddie version of Ryan Reynolds’ Buried is so fucking metal.

The kiddie version of Ryan Reynolds’ Buried is so fucking metal.

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New York (CNN) — A New Hampshire jury on Monday found a Nashua woman guilty of second-degree murder for running over a man who had heckled her for being a New York Yankees fan. Ivonne Hernandez, 45, was accused in the May 2008 killing of 29-year-old Matthew Beaudoin.”

Civic pride is so fucking metal.

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“The co-founder of Pinkberry Frozen Yogurt, Young Lee, was arrested today at Los Angeles airport on a warrant for beating a homeless beggar LA last June. Lee, who helped design the healthy, low-calorie dessert chain, is accused of chasing down a homeless man who approached his car in downtown Los Angeles asking for money on June 15, 2011. Lee and another individual beat the homeless man with a tire iron, according to police. The man was hospitalized for treatment.”

A nice hobo parfait is so fucking metal.

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Real-life tauntauning is so fucking metal.

Real-life tauntauning is so fucking metal.

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Raphael’s killer ‘tude is so fucking metal.

Raphael’s killer ‘tude is so fucking metal.

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Astronomy is so fucking metal.

Astronomy is so fucking metal.